I have not been writing enough as of late for this blog, but my life is busy, and writing is a hobby not a job so I often have to take breaks. One type of article that is usually easy and fast for me to write is a top X list, so today that is what we are going to try to achieve.

This might be a wonky list but I do find that many games out there look amazing, have a cool franchise behind them or just seem like they will be great and end up letting me down. It’s how and why they end up on my shelf and on this list. Today we pick out 5 and talk about them. Here we go!

5. Crusader Kings by Free League Publishing

Crusader Kings the PC game is one of my all-time favorite strategy games, I have played it for more hours and years than I care to admit.

A big part of the joy of Crusader Kings is that you essentially re-write history from the perspective of a single historical person, influencing people and nations around them. You create a legacy over time (a family dynasty) and you try to keep that legacy alive and thriving through your blood relatives, offspring, and noble claims. It’s a lot of fun.

When Crusader Kings the board game was announced, I didn’t hesitate even for a second, it was on my shelf and the table at the first opportunity.

From the reading of the rules, the aesthetic, and the very clear attempt at replicating the PC game experience, Crusader Kings the board game had everything going for it and it seemed like it was going to make a nice smooth tabletop transition.

Unfortunately for all of its mechanics that do replicate the feel of the PC game and capture that experience, the one thing that didn’t transition particularly well and ultimately caused this one to flop is the overindulgence in randomness.

One of the key mechanics of this game was random draws from a bag to resolve conflicts between players or between player and game, but unfortunately, the impact of this one mechanic simply had too much impact on the game, so much so that it overwhelmed any aspect of a strategy. Good consecutive draws from this bag that was used for resolving various conflicts could and often did result in such a huge impact on the outcome of the game that in the end, that is all the game is. Draw tokens from the bag, do it well, you will win, do it poorly and you will lose.

It’s really sad because a lot of the mechanics in the game are well thought out, but this random token draw resolution system just breaks it.

For such an expensive game, I honestly can’t recommend it, but it was quite ok the first couple of plays as it takes time for people to notice the flaw, but once everyone does, it’s a bit like a movie trailer that spoils the plot of the movie. At that point, there is no longer any reason to see the movie, other than just to go through the motions and that is exactly how Crusader Kings feels after a couple of plays.

4. Archipelago by Ludically

Archipelago is a game with a questionable theme, colonization, which rubs some people the wrong way. To me, it’s history, and I’m not phased by the fact that the history of mankind is filled with ugliness. I like playing games with a good historical theme and when that is mixed with dynamic world or engine building mechanics, I’m always ready to try it.

Archipelago promised to be a kind of civilization builder with exploration mechanics built around a dynamically constructed hexagon game board. It had all sorts of clever mechanics, a kind of mixture of Euro mechanics with resource management, and some cool development elements.

All together the game played quite well and although I will point out that some of the art was unnecessarily extra racist which did not sit well with me, the core flaw of the game was the hidden victory conditions.

All victory conditions are hidden, you don’t know how to win the game or what to focus on. You find out at the end of the game what the victory conditions are and how you faired. As the victory conditions could be quite varied and there can be odd mixtures of things that matter at the end of the game, who won was completely random.

It’s about the most nonsensical way of handling victory conditions I have ever seen in any game, it felt a bit like playing chess except that if you get checkmated, there is a 50% chance that you win the game and a 50% chance that you will lose.

It completely ruins this game and unfortunately, this victory conditions mechanic is buried into the core game so deeply that there is no good way to house rule or alter it without fundamentally changing how the game is played.

I hope that someday someone with some sensitivity training and some common sense game design experience makes a 2nd edition of Archipelago because I think there is a lot of potential in this one, but as it is, this is a very hard pass.

3. Exodus Proxima Centauri by NSKN Games

Proxima Centauri is marketed as “Twilight Imperium Light”, a promise many games make but few deliver. Of all the ones I have tried, only Eclipse The 2nd Dawn for the Galaxy and Proxima Centauri come close.

Unfortunately, where Eclipse succeeds, Proxima Centauri fails pretty hard in my opinion.

I will make the assumption that you know what Twilight Imperium is, if not, the basics are this. It’s a space civilization builder that is driven by classic 4x gameplay ala classic Master of Orion in which players are a space-faring civilization fighting for control of the galaxy. It’s a simple enough concept but the one aspect of this genre of gaming is that in principle, it’s driven by politics, negotiations, trade deals, and deception. In a way these games are two games in one, the one taking place on the table and the one taking place in everyone’s head. These are games where an action you take can be seen as aggressive, a pre-emptive strike, or even a prelude to war, and as such players often act in character and respond in ways that aren’t necessarily strategic, but personal within the context of the game’s story that ultimately becomes a sort of made up history between players.

It’s part of the fun of these games and really at the core of why the fan base loves them.

Games that claim to be like “Twilight Imperium”, which by all accounts is considered the premiere and undisputed king of this genre of games are making a pretty bold claim and have a lot to live up to.

The issue with Exodus is that while it has all the troupes of the genre you would expect, in effect that core 4x gameplay, the game gives players no good reason to interact in that all-important diplomatic/negotiation-social interaction space. In essence, you just play the mechanics like you would any Euro game. Sure what people do affects you, but you don’t have enough take-that mechanics or reactions you could take to give the game that diplomatic and political edge or fear of retaliation or consequences to people’s actions created by other players for which Twilight Imperium is famous for.

Additionally, there are some quirky and very intensive shuffling of tokens that just adds to the administrative end of the game, but adds virtually nothing strategically. It’s one of those games in which there are some great ideas but none of the mechanics are all that refined.

What is worse is that it’s only marginally shorter than Twilight Imperium, which is important because one of the only reasons anyone ever really looks for alternatives to Twilight Imperium is game length. TI4, for example, takes 6 to 8 hours to play and one of the core reasons why often Eclipse is recommended is that it can be played in half that time with much of that Twilight Imperium core 4x gameplay intact. Exodus can’t even claim that as the game takes a minimum of 5 to 6 hours to complete and commonly exceeds that time.

In the end, it just doesn’t make the cut as a 4x game. I think it’s an ok game, I’m not suggesting it’s bad but if you are looking to get into the 4x space civilization-building games, Twilight Imperium and Eclipse are superior in every category so I’m not sure why you would pick this one over those two fantastic options.

2. Kemet by Matagot

Kemet is, or at least, was kind of a moderately famous game mainly because they had Dice Tower that gave it a lot of free advertisement. I would argue, in its own way it’s a cool, very fair war game built around mythology which I think is a great theme for a war game.

In Kemet which is a kind of worker placement war game, players essentially build up armies that include mythical monsters and fight each other for control of the map and ultimately victory points. One of the key mechanics is making “advancement” purchases that give you various benefits. Each of these advancements has a color associated with it and a kind of general theme to that color.

The nice thing is that it’s not a dice chucker so there is a cool card mechanic to resolving battles, so all and all it’s very tactical and strategic. It is great, except for one flaw which once you discover it, the game is completely ruined.

Spoiler alert, but the white advancement is at least 3 to 1 more powerful than the advancement of other colors. Buy those and you auto-win. If everyone is aware of this, the game is a race to buy up as many white advancements as possible, it is a mathematically impossible strategy to defeat. In fact, if everyone is aware of this flaw in the game, the game is decided by turn order and nothing else.

This broken mechanic ruins the game once discovered, its a real bummer.

1. Western Empires (Eastern Empires) by 999 Games

I’m going to make this short and sweet because I think Western and Easter Empires, also known together as Mega Civilization, also known as Advanced Civilization, also known as Civilization is one of the all-time classic “BIG” strategic civilization building games out there. It’s not just a game, but a staple of gaming history and Western and Eastern Empires are the modern remakes that only make minor adjustments to the original with nicer art and components, maintaining its core, classic formula.

It’s not just a game, it’s an experience, but it does have one huge fucking flaw (pardon my French but I want to scream it) and that is that the game has player elimination.

This game was originally designed in the early 80’s and here we are in 2024 and this core, fundamental and game-breaking flaw that will keep this off your table is still built into the game. In fact, Western and Eastern Empires lean into this and have created an official rule on how to “give up and go home” if you’re doing badly in the game.

The issue is that the game can and does take about 9-12 hours to play, maybe even longer if you combine both games into a Mega civilization for up to 18 players. It’s a major event game which is fine, an event game is an event game, it takes a long time to play because that’s what events are. That is not a flaw, but if 4 hours into the event you can be put in a position where you are asked to leave… hey thanks for coming, go home! Fuck that….

To me that is just unacceptable, I would never invite people to my house to play an all-day event game and then halfway through it eliminates them from the event because they sucked too much at it. It’s no problem that there are winners and losers, but to get eliminated from play, I can’t get over it.

I can understand that in the 80’s board game design theory was in its infancy but what a missed opportunity for 999 games to correct what is undoubtedly the most destructive and game-breaking part of the game. I own Western Empires but I know that I will never put it on the table, not as long as this flaw exists. It’s crazy but it’s quite literally a game mechanic that is extremely toxic and rude to the players, aka, the guests at your house that came over to have fun.

It is the unquestionable king of stupid shit ever put in a game, I can’t believe no one has corrected it over the last nearly 40 years of its existence.